A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are for.
(John A Shedd)
My Big Girl and I have been talking a lot about taking risks recently. As someone unused to failing or getting things wrong, this is a concept she struggles with. The issues now may be small- trying something potentially dangerous (using the kettle) or embarrassing (reading aloud in public) for the first time, for example- but they will only get bigger.
It is a natural instinct for parents to protect their children. But do we sometimes go too far? Do we sometimes insulate our children so much from the physical and emotional dangers of the world they live in that we teach them that ‘playing safe’ is what is most important?
I want to raise daughters that are willing to try something new for the first time, and not worry too much about whether they’re going to be any good at it or whether they’ll look silly. Daughters who invest in relationships that go beyond the superficial, who are prepared to share of themselves and be vulnerable, even if that may sometimes result in hurt and rejection. I long for my daughters to dream, to fly; not to be intimidated by anything other than the familiar and mundane. Nothing world-changing (or life-changing) ever happened from staying in your comfort zone.
Easier said than done. For me, I think it means being prepared to let go a little, loosen the reins, let my girls get on with things even if none of us are sure how it’ll turn out. Maybe I need to stop thinking “But what if they get hurt? What if…. What if…” and realise that- yes, maybe they will, but that’s not the end of the world. It’s life; it’s normal. I won’t be able to protect them from everything forever. Far better to teach them how to handle hurt, failure, rejection. To show them that whether they succeed or fail, how I feel about them will not change- that they are loved for who they are, not for what they do. To praise the efforts, not the results. And to be there to pick up the pieces and reassure and comfort if it all goes belly up.
It also means leading by example- to walk boldly in God’s purposes for me and my life, tackling the rapids head on where necessary, not just pootling along in calm but insipid backwaters. Allowing my daughters to witness my failures as well as my successes, and to see that getting something wrong is not the worst thing that can happen; that it’s possible to come out the other side, perhaps a bit bruised and battered but hopefully a little bit wiser, too.
For those of us who try to walk where Jesus leads this represents a particular challenge as he often seems to delight in leading us far past where we feel comfortable and at home, stretching us, showing us that we are capable of so much more than we would ever have believed possible. One of my favourite verses in the Bible is this:
For I can do anything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13
If we can do anything, then surely doing nothing, never risking anything, never being prepared to try and fail and fall and get up and start all over again, is not an option. I pray that my girls and I will continue to learn together that some risks are worth taking.
Emma Tanner 
The other day, I saw a meme that said, “If Internet Explorer dares to ask to be your default browser, then you can dare to…” …Insert whatever risk you want here. On the meme it said “to ask that girl out,” but I think it is a good line that applies to anything, whether it be reading out loud or being the first to step up for something else a little risky. Blessings to you and your daughters as they see the example of risk-taking! (Even writing a blog is risk-taking…who KNOWS who will read it!?) 🙂
Anna
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Thanks, Anna 🙂
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Another great post – I too have a 9 year old daughter (and a 6 year old son) and this is something I constantly think about. I don’t want my daughter to be hindered by my own fears and failings – but also know how important it is for her to see me step out and, sometimes, get it wrong. How I deal with it is a good lesson for us both! But seeing her flourish when she does something new for the first time is so wonderful – totally precious. It makes up for all those frustrating moments when her perfectionist mindset doesn’t handle not being instantly successful well (learning the piano is certainly testing that – for both of us! 😉 )
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I definitely think it’s more of an issue for girls, especially first -born ones! Ours sound very similar 🙂
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