This last couple of weeks have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. In fact, the whole year has. Actually, who am I kidding? I’ve been on this blinking ride since the birth of the Princess Project in 2011 and I keep waiting for it to slow down, but it hasn’t yet.
Recent challenges include two major funding applications being rejected, a replication partner pulling out at the last minute, as well as some pretty chunky spiritual and relational battles being fought on the side-lines along the way.
But, as is so often the way, during all of this I have heard the still small voice of God. The whisper. The reading words in the Bible that seem to have been written just for you, in the season you find yourself. Things that happen at just the right time to reinforce what God seems to be saying. Lots of that.
And what God seems to be saying is “Go deep, not wide.”
Let me rewind and unpack that a little.
We recently took some time as both a staff team and a trustee board to think about our strengths and weaknesses as an organisation and one of the things we all kept coming back to was that relationships were fundamental to everything we do. Prioritising our relationship with Jesus, being led and guided by him and keeping him at the centre of everything that we do, sets us apart. Forming meaningful, long-term relationships with our mums, but also within our team, and with our partners- this is something we do well.
We had previously had lofty aspirations of the Princess Project becoming a national organisation, a recognised name, rolling out what we’re doing all across the country. And who knows, maybe God will use us in that way in the future. But right now- I get the sense that he’s asking us to prioritise strengthening what we already have, and reminding us of the Kingdom value and importance of that.
As a small, independent charity we might have our struggles (financial security is overrated, said no-one, ever), but we also have the freedom and flexibility to do things our way, and to adapt and change rapidly (this stood us in great stead during covid). So many other organisations, and definitely our colleagues in the statutory sector, are time-limited in their interventions- 6 weeks here, a few months there, a project that is grant-funded for a year and then has to stop. Our funding strategy of seeking God, trying our best to walk where he wants us to walk and trust that he will provide the finance to do that has meant that we always have what we need, when we need it, and can run programmes and maintain relationships without a time limitation. (I do have a ‘proper’ funding strategy as well, honest, because we know that God can work through grant applications and fundraising events and all the other things we do to keep the wheels turning- but we know and acknowledge that the source of all that is God, not us!)
Standing alongside hurting people long-term is a messy privilege. Although we pray for miracles, serious, long-term mental health conditions and generational trauma are usually not sorted overnight. Healing and transformation can be gradual, often one step forwards and two steps back, fraught with challenge, disappointment, pain and rejection. It can be incredibly costly. And that has weighed quite heavily on our team recently.
I am a reformed (reforming?!) conflict avoider, but God has taught me over the years that walking through conflict, not running from it, is incredibly important for building relationships. Relationships with the mums we support, with partners we may not agree with, with members of our team. Fighting for a seat at a table that I’m terrified to sit at, not because I want to be there or think I deserve to be, but because I know that those we represent- marginalised because of their gender, age, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, whatever it may be- deserve a voice at it. I have learned not to avoid these things- but again, they take their toll. Sometimes I think my calling is just to be a pain in the backside to as many people as possible in order to bring about change. Not really something to put on the CV…!
These days I spend most of the time in an office or in meetings, applying for funding, networking (eeeeewww), building relationships with partners, leading the team, problem-solving, trying to see the big picture and keep us walking where God is leading. I don’t see the mums we support very often; I’m not the one running the busy Hubs, multitasking, sorting out the accident forms and the Totcycle appointments, watching the first steps, being there with the kind word and the hug, crying with mums, praying with them. Much as that used to drain my introvert batteries, I miss it.
Then those doubting voices start to creep in. What are we doing? Is it all worth it? Are we really making a difference? You are totally out of your depth! You aren’t doing a good job! You’re a fraud!
Yada yada.
This has been a recurring theme of my reluctant leadership journey and most of the time I can dismiss those voices, recognise them for the distortions they are. But sometimes, when things are particularly challenging, it can be hard.
And God knows that.
This weekend we had a stall at the Park Wood Fete. Park Wood was the first area we started working in, starting a Mums’ Drop-In in 2012 (the prelude to the Hub!) and Totcycle as a monthly pop-up event in 2013, before opening the Hub and Totcycle in its current format in 2020. Back in the early days it was a small team, all of us volunteers, and I got to know the families pretty well. Things have sinced moved on- children who were toddlers are now teenagers, my role has changed, how we deliver our services has changed- but the relationships remain. Face after friendly, not-seen-for-years face walked past our stall, and as I shared hugs and caught up with years’ worth of news and gawped at 6 foot tall boys who I used to offer to hold whilst their mums picked out some new clothes for them at Totcycle- I was in awe at the goodness of God, at his faithfulness, at his kindness for giving me the encouragement and reassurance that he knew I needed- that what we are doing, however imperfectly, is real, and has stood the test of time.
First Park Wood Totcycle in 2013 (saw the ‘baby’ in the pushchair again on Saturday!); Park Wood Fete 2015; Park Wood Fete 2025
But that wasn’t the only encouragement that God gave our team this week.
A mum popped into one of our Hubs who we hadn’t seen for several years- but during that time one of our team has been faithfully keeping in contact with her, messaging her, asking about her life, her wellbeing, her children, praying for her. She is in between jobs at the moment and so took the opportunity to return to the place where she felt welcomed, accepted, seen, known, for a cuppa, a hug and a catch up. Part of our family.
Another of our team bumped into a mum we used to support, and pray for regularly, who has walked a horrendous journey and come out the other side. She gave God the glory for bringing her through and said that she was standing there thanks to the power of prayer.
I caught up with one of our community support workers yesterday who had just heard from a mum she had been walking alongside for some time, as she journeyed through the court system. She was very upbeat as the final hearing had gone in her favour.
“You’ve been praying for me for 5 years- I know that’s what’s made the difference! I’m going to go to church now!” she said.
By now I had got to the point where happy tears outnumbered unhappy ones (tears just come with the turf!)
What God has shown me afresh this week is the importance of relationships, especially those that have been forged in the fire over years of walking together through adversity. Many of the mums we support have not experienced love and friendship that not just survives conflict and rejection but is strengthened by it. Our aim at the Princess Project is to model (albeit in our imperfect human way) the unconditional love that Jesus has for each one of us. He will never leave or forsake us, no matter how far we go, what we do, or how inadequate we might feel. Our prayer is that as we stand alongside families for years (over 10 years in some cases!), our mums would come to realise just how precious they are in God’s sight; that their lives have value, and purpose, and meaning.
He has also reminded me about the power of prayer. The Bible urges us to pray persistently; it is such an incredible encouragement that we are now starting to see answers to prayers that were first prayed years ago. It is mind-blowing that God includes us in his plans and purposes- he could do what he wants to do in the lives of our mums without us, but he chooses to use us, with all our frailties and weaknesses, to help build his kingdom. I love that our mums are starting to acknowledge the power of God and to recognise his hand at work in their lives- that’s what it’s all about.
These kinds of relationships, these answers to prayer, these lives changed by the power of the Holy Spirit over months or years- these are almost impossible to quantify. I can’t evidence them in an impact report for a funder, or a snappy Canva infographic. But they are the most important part of what we do and our team is committed to partnering with God as he challenges us to go deeper. Will you join us?
If you’d like to partner with us financially or join our team, visit our website www.princessproject.co.uk for more information.
Artwork by Jordan and Louis 
Emma Tanner 