Jesus | Emma Tanner

In it for the Long Haul

by Emma Tanner

Image made by the icon that is my younger daughter in 2021, for reasons best known to herself

This last couple of weeks have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. In fact, the whole year has. Actually, who am I kidding? I’ve been on this blinking ride since the birth of the Princess Project in 2011 and I keep waiting for it to slow down, but it hasn’t yet.

Recent challenges include two major funding applications being rejected, a replication partner pulling out at the last minute, as well as some pretty chunky spiritual and relational battles being fought on the side-lines along the way.

But, as is so often the way, during all of this I have heard the still small voice of God. The whisper. The reading words in the Bible that seem to have been written just for you, in the season you find yourself. Things that happen at just the right time to reinforce what God seems to be saying. Lots of that.

And what God seems to be saying is “Go deep, not wide.”

Let me rewind and unpack that a little.

We recently took some time as both a staff team and a trustee board to think about our strengths and weaknesses as an organisation and one of the things we all kept coming back to was that relationships were fundamental to everything we do. Prioritising our relationship with Jesus, being led and guided by him and keeping him at the centre of everything that we do, sets us apart. Forming meaningful, long-term relationships with our mums, but also within our team, and with our partners- this is something we do well.

We had previously had lofty aspirations of the Princess Project becoming a national organisation, a recognised name, rolling out what we’re doing all across the country. And who knows, maybe God will use us in that way in the future. But right now- I get the sense that he’s asking us to prioritise strengthening what we already have, and reminding us of the Kingdom value and importance of that.

As a small, independent charity we might have our struggles (financial security is overrated, said no-one, ever), but we also have the freedom and flexibility to do things our way, and to adapt and change rapidly (this stood us in great stead during covid). So many other organisations, and definitely our colleagues in the statutory sector, are time-limited in their interventions- 6 weeks here, a few months there, a project that is grant-funded for a year and then has to stop. Our funding strategy of seeking God, trying our best to walk where he wants us to walk and trust that he will provide the finance to do that has meant that we always have what we need, when we need it, and can run programmes and maintain relationships without a time limitation. (I do have a ‘proper’ funding strategy as well, honest, because we know that God can work through grant applications and fundraising events and all the other things we do to keep the wheels turning- but we know and acknowledge that the source of all that is God, not us!)

Standing alongside hurting people long-term is a messy privilege. Although we pray for miracles, serious, long-term mental health conditions and generational trauma are usually not sorted overnight. Healing and transformation can be gradual, often one step forwards and two steps back, fraught with challenge, disappointment, pain and rejection. It can be incredibly costly. And that has weighed quite heavily on our team recently.

I am a reformed (reforming?!) conflict avoider, but God has taught me over the years that walking through conflict, not running from it, is incredibly important for building relationships. Relationships with the mums we support, with partners we may not agree with, with members of our team. Fighting for a seat at a table that I’m terrified to sit at, not because I want to be there or think I deserve to be, but because I know that those we represent- marginalised because of their gender, age, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, whatever it may be- deserve a voice at it. I have learned not to avoid these things- but again, they take their toll. Sometimes I think my calling is just to be a pain in the backside to as many people as possible in order to bring about change. Not really something to put on the CV…!

These days I spend most of the time in an office or in meetings, applying for funding, networking (eeeeewww), building relationships with partners, leading the team, problem-solving, trying to see the big picture and keep us walking where God is leading. I don’t see the mums we support very often; I’m not the one running the busy Hubs, multitasking, sorting out the accident forms and the Totcycle appointments, watching the first steps, being there with the kind word and the hug, crying with mums, praying with them. Much as that used to drain my introvert batteries, I miss it.

Then those doubting voices start to creep in. What are we doing? Is it all worth it? Are we really making a difference? You are totally out of your depth! You aren’t doing a good job! You’re a fraud!

Yada yada.

This has been a recurring theme of my reluctant leadership journey and most of the time I can dismiss those voices, recognise them for the distortions they are. But sometimes, when things are particularly challenging, it can be hard.

And God knows that.

This weekend we had a stall at the Park Wood Fete. Park Wood was the first area we started working in, starting a Mums’ Drop-In in 2012 (the prelude to the Hub!) and Totcycle as a monthly pop-up event in 2013, before opening the Hub and Totcycle in its current format in 2020. Back in the early days it was a small team, all of us volunteers, and I got to know the families pretty well. Things have sinced moved on- children who were toddlers are now teenagers, my role has changed, how we deliver our services has changed- but the relationships remain. Face after friendly, not-seen-for-years face walked past our stall, and as I shared hugs and caught up with years’ worth of news and gawped at 6 foot tall boys who I used to offer to hold whilst their mums picked out some new clothes for them at Totcycle- I was in awe at the goodness of God, at his faithfulness, at his kindness for giving me the encouragement and reassurance that he knew I needed- that what we are doing, however imperfectly, is real, and has stood the test of time.

First Park Wood Totcycle in 2013 (saw the ‘baby’ in the pushchair again on Saturday!); Park Wood Fete 2015; Park Wood Fete 2025

But that wasn’t the only encouragement that God gave our team this week.

A mum popped into one of our Hubs who we hadn’t seen for several years- but during that time one of our team has been faithfully keeping in contact with her, messaging her, asking about her life, her wellbeing, her children, praying for her. She is in between jobs at the moment and so took the opportunity to return to the place where she felt welcomed, accepted, seen, known, for a cuppa, a hug and a catch up. Part of our family.

Another of our team bumped into a mum we used to support, and pray for regularly, who has walked a horrendous journey and come out the other side. She gave God the glory for bringing her through and said that she was standing there thanks to the power of prayer.

I caught up with one of our community support workers yesterday who had just heard from a mum she had been walking alongside for some time, as she journeyed through the court system. She was very upbeat as the final hearing had gone in her favour.

“You’ve been praying for me for 5 years- I know that’s what’s made the difference! I’m going to go to church now!” she said.

By now I had got to the point where happy tears outnumbered unhappy ones (tears just come with the turf!)

What God has shown me afresh this week is the importance of relationships, especially those that have been forged in the fire over years of walking together through adversity. Many of the mums we support have not experienced love and friendship that not just survives conflict and rejection but is strengthened by it. Our aim at the Princess Project is to model (albeit in our imperfect human way) the unconditional love that Jesus has for each one of us. He will never leave or forsake us, no matter how far we go, what we do, or how inadequate we might feel. Our prayer is that as we stand alongside families for years (over 10 years in some cases!), our mums would come to realise just how precious they are in God’s sight; that their lives have value, and purpose, and meaning.

He has also reminded me about the power of prayer. The Bible urges us to pray persistently; it is such an incredible encouragement that we are now starting to see answers to prayers that were first prayed years ago. It is mind-blowing that God includes us in his plans and purposes- he could do what he wants to do in the lives of our mums without us, but he chooses to use us, with all our frailties and weaknesses, to help build his kingdom. I love that our mums are starting to acknowledge the power of God and to recognise his hand at work in their lives- that’s what it’s all about.

These kinds of relationships, these answers to prayer, these lives changed by the power of the Holy Spirit over months or years- these are almost impossible to quantify. I can’t evidence them in an impact report for a funder, or a snappy Canva infographic. But they are the most important part of what we do and our team is committed to partnering with God as he challenges us to go deeper. Will you join us?

If you’d like to partner with us financially or join our team, visit our website www.princessproject.co.uk for more information.

Princess Project The Journey

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Surviving Big Church Festival: Overcoming Anxiety, Physical Limitations, and Social Challenges

by Emma Tanner

I have just about recovered from what was an absolutely amazing weekend at Big Church Festival with the Princess Project. What a fantastic opportunity to meet and speak to Christians from churches all across the UK about what we’re doing and how they might be able to partner with us. It is a truly remarkable event – such a chilled, happy, family vibe, with 30,000 people coming together to worship Jesus and have fun (I wondered what the security guards made of it… Surely not the usual stuff they see at festivals…!)

But for full disclosure I thought I would share a bit about the challenges this event posed for me (because otherwise we all think everyone else’s lives are idyllic, right?!)

First of all, I was pretty anxious about the logistics. Putting up our beautiful new stand for the first time (big thanks to Souter Charitable Trust for the grant funding that paid for it and to the fab team at Bison Print in Maidstone for making our dreams a reality), knowing where to go, putting up the tent, working out the timings (there were only 2 of us and the stand needed to be manned 9.30am-8pm), getting the car out of the muddy field it was parked in…. These things all preyed quite heavily on my mind.

Then there were my physical limitations. I have osteoarthritis in my feet and inflammatory arthritis pretty much everywhere and (of course) a few days beforehand things had flared up a bit so I was in quite a lot of pain. I really didn’t know how I would cope with camping, lifting heavy stuff, and standing for 3 days.

Finally, as an introvert, talking to strangers for 10 hours a day is pretty much my worst thing to do ever (even about something I’m as passionate about as the work we do at the Princess Project).

But (spoiler alert) I survived- and on balance had a fantastic time.

An amazing team of prayer warriors had been on the case before and during the event, praying that God’s will would be done for PP, and for my physical wellbeing as well. And I really saw a pretty miraculous answer to prayer. My joints settled down and behaved themselves, and didn’t even have a tantrum when forced to stand in wellies in the mud for prolonged periods. I was actually in less pain than I am on an average day. God is good!

By Sunday evening though I was absolutely at the end of myself. My dear friend (and PP trustee) Joy, who was a total rock all weekend, had to put up with the grumpy results of what happens when a tired, hungry introvert who has had to socialise and talk and be enthusiastic for 3 days straight has to pack down a display stand for the first time in a muddy marquee (reader, it was so boggy we found AN ACTUAL TOAD on our stand when we packed away…!)

I threw everything into the boot (packing the car, especially when we go camping, is very definitely a blue job in our house and I tried not to think what Mr T would say when he saw the messy, muddy carnage), said goodbye to Joy and rather hysterically prayed my way out of the field (my state of mind wasn’t helped by the van parked behind me getting stuck in the mud.)

As I got nearer and nearer home, my spirits were gradually revived by the winning combination of prayer, tears, a rucksack full of snacks, and Queen Taylor on Spotify. As I pulled into the drive, the door opened and, despite the late hour, there stood Mr T and small munchkin who had been tracking me on Life 360 and knew I’d need a hug.

After a restorative night’s sleep I woke up to find that my wonderful husband had unpacked the car (keeping any judgement to himself!) and I was able to sit in blissful silence with a cup of coffee and reflect on how thankful I am for people- friends, family, even strangers- who partner with us, and how we can make up for each others’ weaknesses and infirmities and how much better we are together. And also how grateful I am for inside toilets and showers and a roof.

The goodness and faithfulness of God never ceases to amaze me. I know that my physical and emotional limitations force me to rely on him rather than to drift into the dangerous waters of thinking I’ve got it all together. My own resources may be limited but God’s are not- if we rely on him, he promises to equip us with what we need, every day. Now that really is worth celebrating.

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

‭2 Corinthians 12:7-10 MSG‬

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Thought for the Day: Living in Freedom

by Emma Tanner

freedom-2053281_1920

This week, the Princess Project board of trustees got together to think about our vision and strategy for the next 12 months. We talked about the practical stuff, the whats and the whens and how much it would cost. But we also prayed for the mums we support, and how we can better meet their needs. And one word that kept coming up again and again was freedom.

A lot has been said, and sung, and written about freedom. The philosopher Albert Camus said that

“Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.”

Paul McCartney sang

“This is my right

A right given by God

To live a free life

To live in freedom….”

One definition of freedom is the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved. Most of us in the UK are free in this sense- at least superficially. But the reality is that many of us are held prisoner by things we can’t see. By fear. By anxiety. By our circumstances. By debt. By a lack of hope.

In all the scary weirdness of the world at the moment, from Russian nerve agents to economic uncertainty, to the Beast from the East, it is very easy to stay within our prisons, to allow ourselves to be held captive by our fears and insecurities. But there’s more to life than that. Difficult as it may be to believe on a morning like this one, spring is just around the corner, with all the promise of new life and hope and Easter morning. Love banishes fear, and the perfect love of God frees us from all the things that bind us and keep us captive.

Being set free from what holds us back is only part of the picture. It is not just about freedom from, but about freedom to. Freedom to step into all God has planned for us. Freedom to be the men and women we were created to be. Freedom to hope, and dream, and live life to the full.

The Bible makes it clear that Jesus made this kind of freedom available to all of us. In John’s gospel it says:

“If the son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

It takes bravery to step out into the unknown, to walk into the freedom that has been promised to us. As the ancient Greek historian Thucydides put it,

“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage.”

My prayer for us all this morning is that this week we would have the courage to step into that freedom that God has promised us.

Originally broadcast on BBC Radio Kent Sunday Breakfast 17/3/18

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A Miracle in the Mail

by Emma Tanner

I don’t know why I’m so often surprised by the goodness and faithfulness of God. It’s not that I don’t believe in it, or that I don’t have plenty of personal experience of it. I think it’s just that often in the day-to-day strains and stresses of life, the tricky situations, the things we find it a bit difficult to fully trust God with, it is easier to pay more attention to what we don’t have, than to the many things we do.

But sometimes God steps in in such an amazing way that we can’t ignore it. The only response is to full to our knees in wonder at His total awesomeness. That happened to me yesterday.

I arrived at the Princess Project office to find a note in the letter box, from a lady from a local church who I had met once and told about PP. She is a trustee for a grant making trust who wanted to give us a donation towards our work. Lovely! There was a cheque enclosed, which I unfolded, not knowing what to expect, maybe hoping for a couple of hundred pounds, if we were lucky. I had to read the words and numbers several times to check I was reading it right. And count the zeros. The cheque was for £8,000.

Such an unprecedented and unsolicited donation would be cause for grateful celebration in itself. But to fully appreciate the miraculous provision it represented we have to rewind a few days.

For several months our trustee board have felt that we needed to take on another part-time member of staff to grow our work and better support our mums. We had a trustee meeting last week where we finalised the job description, and the timescale for the application process. All we needed was the funding. We stepped out in faith, trusting that God would provide what we need, when we needed it, as He always has so far. (When I quit my job and started working at PP, the trustees had enough money to pay me for 6 months- that was over two years ago and I’m still here, and still being paid!) The amount we calculated that we needed to make this appointment for a 12 month period was- you’ve guessed it- £8,000.

This provision of exactly what we needed- no more, no less- at exactly the right time, and through absolutely no effort on our part, undid me. For me it represented more than just a financial blessing. It was a reminder that God is completely trustworthy. It seemed like God was saying that, no matter what might be going on, no matter how big and insurmountable an obstacle might seem, nothing is too big for Him. It was also an affirmation that we were on the right track, and doing what God wants us to be doing as an organisation.

Once I’d finished crying (!), and burbling incoherent prayers of thanks and praise, I phoned the lady to say thank you. I wondered if she’d caught wind of our future plans, or knew of our funding needs…..but no, she was as surprised as I was that God had used her and the trust to meet our need so specifically.

Yesterday’s events have already greatly encouraged me, the generous donor, the trustees who I phoned in what must have been quite a worrying state of euphoria, and my family. My elder daughter remarked:

“You never need to worry about money at the Princess Project. God always gives you what you need!”

Out of the mouths of babes. What a lesson for my daughters to have learned first hand.

‘As the scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.”‘

2 Corinthians 10:17

This was absolutely nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the Lord. So I want to shout it from the rooftops, in the hope that it would encourage many more people, and be a great example of His goodness. I hope that our miracle in the mail will encourage you to approach God with whatever is on your heart, too. He is good, He is faithful, He is trustworthy, and, unlike me, He always listens to His kids.

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Thought for the Day: God’s got it covered (but we’re not off the hook)

by Emma Tanner

Even the briefest look at a newspaper, or discussion of current affairs, reminds us that we are living in strange and uncertain times. Donald Trump, Brexit, climate change…..Whatever we think of recent world events, we can all agree on one thing- the world as we know it is changing.

Things don’t stay the same in our own lives, either. I celebrated my 40^th birthday a few weeks ago which caused me to stop and reflect a little on how much has changed in my life over the last 10 years. I’m a very different person now compared to then. People have come and gone, circumstances have changed, some for the better, some not.

I was chatting to a young mum at our Princess Project Hub this week about how difficult she is finding it adjusting from being a professional working outside the home, to working at home being a stay at home parent. At times of transition in our lives- as we pass from one stage of life to another- as well as at times of transition on a wider stage- it is good to be reminded that we are not just adrift in a pilotless, rudderless ship, but that God is in control, of both our lives, and the world he created.

When everything around us is uncertain, God is faithful, his love unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. We change and grow; circumstances may be unrecognisable; but God is the same. He is good, and trustworthy, and always with us. As the prophet Isaiah puts it in the Bible

“For even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces, my love won’t walk away from you, my covenant commitment of peace won’t fall apart.” The God who has compassion on you says so.” [Is 54:10 Msg.]

Whatever the situation- God has got it covered.

But that doesn’t mean we can just sit back on autopilot. God being in control doesn’t absolve us of responsibility for what’s happening around us. Proverbs 24 makes this clear:

“Rescue the perishing; don’t hesitate to step in and help. If you say, “Hey, that’s none of my business,” will that get you off the hook? Someone is watching you closely, you know- someone not impressed with weak excuses.”

It is our responsibility to stand up for injustice when we see it, in our own lives, homes, schools, workplaces, as well as in the wider community. It is crucial that the church takes a lead in these matters. This is why Krish Kandiah’s letter to the government challenging the closure of the Dubs scheme, which has been signed by church leaders of all denominations up and down the country, is so important. It is also why we at the Princess Project want to challenge and work to combat the disadvantages faced by many of the women we work with right here in Kent. God’s got it covered- but He works with us and through us to achieve his purposes.

So let’s go forward into a new week, a new era, feeling confident that whatever happens, nothing can separate us from the love of God, and that he will work his purposes out in our lives, and in the world- if we’re prepared to let him.

Originally broadcast on BBC Radio Kent Sunday Breakfast 22/1/17; subsequently edited to include link to Dubs Closure letter

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Some positive thoughts for a crazy day

by Emma Tanner

Just when we thought it couldn’t, 2016 became officially weirder. Here are a few positives that I’ve been trying to focus on today…

The election in the USA passed without major incident; people stayed safe.

Donald Trump’s victory speech was more magnanimous and less triumphalist than it could have been; he was gracious towards Hillary and publicly acknowledged her service to the American people, and spoke of the need for reconciliation and working together.

My two daughters (age 8 and 11) have once again been engaged with a political event as it has unfolded around them in real time. I think they will always remember watching the Brexit vote and this presidential vote and I hope and pray that they will learn from it the importance of engaging with the democratic process, that their vote can make a difference, and that they make informed choices for themselves when old enough to do so.

Since the dawn of time, empires, nations, politicians and ideologies have come and gone. This is a new season- it isn’t forever.

We are still all responsible for our own actions. We don’t have to go along with things we know aren’t right. Whoever is in charge- in this country or across the pond- we need to stand up for what we believe to be right, and especially for those whose voice is often unheard.

God is in control. He is the highest authority, and whether this is his will or not (and contrary to what some may claim, I don’t think anyone can possibly know that for sure), he has this covered.

“Perfect love drives out fear.” 1 John 4:18. Love is the only way to overcome hate and fear. Jesus is the perfect example of love- so I’m going to focus on him, and the peace, hope and freedom that relationship with him brings.

The Journey

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Thought for the Day: Created for Community

by Emma Tanner

Last week I went to meet a young mum who had been referred to our Princess Project Mum2Mum befriending service. I really enjoyed spending time with her and her gorgeous baby girl. Materially, they seemed to be doing OK. There was clearly a close and loving bond between mother and daughter. But she was isolated, living alone with her little one, with no real friends to speak of. When I asked her what her biggest concern was at the moment the answer was simple- that she was lonely. She was longing for community.

I believe that as human beings we have been designed by God to walk through life in the company of others; that we were created for community- to share our joys, our sorrows, our successes, and our failures. As we read in the book of Ecclesiastes “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him up!”

Of course, being in relationship with other people is not always easy. Being honest with each other, sharing of ourselves, making ourselves vulnerable, can be very uncomfortable. As well as love, support, encouragement, and friendship, we open the door to being hurt, disappointed, and let down- because none of us are perfect. But as Theodore Roosevelt famously said “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…”

As we’ve heard this morning, and will be thinking about this week in the run up to Easter Sunday, Jesus himself was no stranger to difficult relationships and experienced conflict, disagreement, betrayal, and disappointment just as we do. But he also models for us healing, forgiveness and reconciliation. My prayer today is that we too would embrace and invest in the communities that God has placed us in, be they our families, friendship groups, or churches, however imperfect they may be. I pray too that we would be prepared to open up these communities to those who are lonely, isolated, and vulnerable- because I truly believe that we are better together.

Broadcast on the BBC Radio Kent Sunday programme 20/3/16 (1:47:48)

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Little Miracles

by Emma Tanner

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Sometimes, it’s the small things that speak the loudest. (In the case of my 7 year old that’s definitely true, but that’s not what I’m talking about today!)

An encouraging text message from a friend, telling you they’re thinking of you.

A hug at just the right time.

An unexpected present.

Getting home late from work to find that your husband has made you dinner.

As Axa Insurance put it in their irritatingly catchy advert “Little things mean a lot.”

In my experience, the same is frequently true in our relationship with God. He is the creator of the universe, he flung stars into space, he has billions of people to concern himself with, but he really cares about the minutiae of our day-to-day lives. And that is what I find totally mind-blowing.

I shouldn’t be surprised- the gospel accounts of the life of Jesus, who showed us in person just what God is like, show that he always concerned himself with the individual. Things that mattered to the people he loved and came to save mattered to him. He cared when they were about to run out of wine at a wedding (social death!) and intervened to fix it. He frequently interrupted his plans- usually with large crowds in tow- to answer an individual cry for help and healing.

The same is still true today.

When our family moved to a new church at the beginning of this year, I prayed for my big girl, who doesn’t like change, or big groups, or meeting new people. We had tears of anxiety beforehand from her, and soul searching from my husband and me. Were we doing the right thing? Had we got it wrong? Please, Lord, look after my girl and give her peace; help it to be a positive experience.

The first thing that happened when we arrived at the venue was doughnuts. That put a smile on her face. Then she was welcomed by name and told in advance where she would be going and what would be happening. That allayed her anxiety. Then later on when she went into her group, there was another girl of a similar age who loved horses and riding. BOOM! (as she would say). Jobs a good’un.

I could not have planned a more fortuitous set of circumstances myself, and I like to think I know her pretty well. But her Daddy God, who made her, and loves her even more than I do, knows even better what she needs.

I could give countless examples like that.

Often these little things aren’t even external, but internal; incremental changes that are happening within me and those around me. Watching a good friend take her first steps of faith, and blossoming into the woman she was created to be as she discovers her real identity and purpose. Gradually being set free from negative patterns of thinking and low self esteem as God lovingly heals the hurts of the past and reveals to me the wonderful potential of the future.

This is how I know that God is real. He is not distant, only concerned with the major issues of the day. In Jesus he is also our friend, our Saviour, with us in every situation and circumstance, should we invite him to be. We can know him personally, and see him at work in our day-to-day lives. He can, and still does, do the big miracles- as the angel reminds us at the very beginning of Luke’s account of the Christmas story

“Nothing is impossible with God.”

Luke 1:37

But it’s the little miracles that speak to me more; that remind me that eternal, almighty God is a loving Father who cares deeply about the individual needs of his children.

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Incredible Journey

by Emma Tanner

Today is a big day for me. After nearly 14 years working as a veterinary surgeon, it’s my last day for the foreseeable future in clinical practice. In a few weeks, after some eagerly anticipated family time, both my husband Graham and I start new jobs, in what is a completely new season for our family. I’m going to be working for the Princess Project, swapping dogs and cats for mums and babies. So how did I get here? I was asked to speak at a Ladies’ breakfast last weekend, and I took the opportunity to look back over the last few years and reflect on exactly that. What God has been doing is simply incredible, and I am just thankful that I have been a part of it.

I had my first baby in 2005 (now a very grown up 9 ½- neither she nor my smaller munchkin who is nearly 7 can be called babies anymore!) At the time it struck me how hard it was despite all the support I was lucky enough to have- husband, family, friends, church, house, car. I was surprised even then how little support or preparation there was for parenthood from ‘the state’- and started to think that this was a gap the church community could be filling. State provision has only got less since then, with resources being stretched all the time. At the same time Graham and I were running a weekly activity evening at Trinity Foyer in Maidstone, accommodation for young people aged 16-24 who would otherwise be homeless. I got to know several girls who became pregnant – and discovered that they often had very little or no support once they’d moved out, and could therefore become very isolated.

I had the word ‘Princess’ given to me from a number of different sources. Then I heard the song ‘White Horse’, by Taylor Swift, whose lyrics include

“I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale, I’m not the one you sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell; this isn’t Hollywood, this is a small town, here in your rearview mirror disappearing now, and it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around….”

That same week I read a verse that seemed to provide the answers for the disillusioned girl in the song searching for her fairytale hero to sweep her off her feet:

“God is bedrock under my feet, The castle in which I live, My rescuing knight.”

2 Sam 22:2 (The Message).

I felt God was saying that these young mums, often judged, looked down on or just ignored by society at large, are so precious to him. They are his princesses, not in a Barbie sparkly sense but in the sense of being daughters of a heavenly King. I wanted to be able to demonstrate to them that they were loved, by God, and by his church. They often had no hope, no aspirations, no confidence, either as individuals or parents. I wanted to show them that they matter, and that in Jesus they can be whole and healed in every sense- that he is that fairytale hero we all search for.

In 2011 one of the Trinity Foyer project workers phoned me out of the blue wanting me to come and meet an 18 year old girl currently living in their move-on flats who had just found out she was pregnant and had no real peer or family support. This girl, and one other who I was already meeting regularly having met her when she lived at Trinity, were my two original ‘princesses’, and our relationship was the pilot for the Mum2Mum befriending service.

And it all started from there!

At the time, I did not feel at all equipped or confident to step out for God. The confidence I did have was not really rooted in God but in other things, especially my career. At the beginning of 2011 I joined a small veterinary practice in Maidstone (I had been working for a larger practice just outside Canterbury- the Maidstone job was a miraculous provision in itself, but that’s another story…!) I found myself in a practice full of laid back people and clients, the atmosphere less self-important and intense than that which I had been used to.

God began the process then of showing me that I can serve him wherever I may be, and that what I do does not define who I am; my identity is in him. My confidence had taken a massive knock at university- I went from being the top of my class at school, a member of the orchestra, in the swimming team, chair of the debating team- to spending 6 years at Cambridge University feeling totally out of my depth and inadequate. My identity had been so tied up with my achievements- I had always felt like people liked or approved of me because of what I did, the grades I got, not for who I am. I guess I thought that was how God saw it too. But over a period of months I started to realise, and believe, that God loves me for who I am, not what I do. I started to believe that I am one of his princesses too, and to become more and more confident in that identity.

At this point I was completely terrified about speaking in public- even speaking out at a meeting was way out of my comfort zone- I’d get home and wished I’d had the courage to say what I’d wanted to say. Even meeting new people, phoning people up, walking into a strange place were all things I found uncomfortable. But I knew that God had put this passion for mums on my heart, and that just seemed to take over. I came to the realisation one day that if I waited until I felt ready, until all my ducks were in a row, until I had the time, until circumstances were just so, then I would never do anything. And I really didn’t want to go through life without at least trying to find and walk in the purpose God had for me.

That was when I made what for me was a life-changing discovery- that when we step out of our comfort zone into the unknown, God will bless us, and equip us with exactly what we need. In 2011, my younger daughter started at preschool, giving me a few child-free, work-free hours a week to finally start putting some time into what had up to now only been a dream- the Princess Project. We officially launched the Princess Project at a Community Day at St Luke’s church in June 2011.

Banner at the 2011 launch

As a result of that I was invited to go along to a conference a month or so later at the Hazlitt Theatre about tackling teenage conception in Maidstone. I arrived at this event, just me and a few leaflets printed from my home PC, and felt completely out of my comfort zone. I forced myself to do that activity that struck fear into my heart- “networking”. I made myself walk up to people I’d never met (some of whom were blatantly wondering why I was there, as it was mostly professionals and everyone else had been paid to attend!) and introduce myself and explain about the project. I found the whole process acutely uncomfortable but came away with a real sense of achievement, and knew that it was the Holy Spirit who had enabled me to get through the day.

Since then God has gradually been setting me free from my fears and insecurities. I’ve had stands at other conferences since that first one, and felt a lot more at home!

Slightly more sophisticated display at a conference in 2012!

I’ve spoken at church services, been a seminar speaker at Detling Summer Conference, even been interviewed on Premier Radio’s Woman to Woman programme. Every time I do it I smile. Every time I stand up to speak and know that I haven’t had countless sleepless nights of terror leading up to it, I am struck by the miracle that God has brought about. It is his way of constantly reminding me that it’s in his strength that it’s all possible, not mine. God has been removing the barriers that were holding me back as I step out towards him, and he is now releasing me to be who I really am; who he has created me to be. I started from a position of saying ‘No, I can’t possibly do that’ to discovering that if I’m relying on God then- yes, I probably can! One verse that I have returned to time and again is Philippians 4:13:

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

Let’s not write ourselves off, and put a ceiling on what we think we’ll be able to do, or rule certain things out without trying them. God loves to show his strength by working through our weakness- we just need to be willing and obedient, and prepared to give things a try.

In 2 Timothy 1:7 Paul writes

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.”

I used to be crippled by that spirit of fear and timidity, but the Holy Spirit is gradually changing me from the inside out.

In May 2012 Graham and I went to the HTB leadership conference at the Royal Albert Hall. We were lucky enough to hear Rick Warren, Christine Caine and Judah Smith (amongst others). For me, the take-home, life-changing message was embarrassingly simple. These men and women of faith, who are quite literally changing the world with the work they are doing, all emphasised how essential it is to be spending time with God, every day. To be reading his word, listening for his voice, kneeling at his feet, growing in intimacy with him. It really impacted me that this was the ‘secret’ of their success. There are no shortcuts. If that is true for them (as it was for Jesus himself!) then how dare I think it was not just as essential for me? If I was too busy for that, then I was too busy, full stop. Since I have recommitted myself to that, my relationship with God has deepened immeasurably, and I find that when I am being filled up by the Holy Spirit I have plenty of energy for all he wants me to be doing.

Something that God has had to teach me repeatedly is patience, and the importance of trusting in His perfect timing. Quite early on I read a tweet from Christine Caine that I found really helpful:

“What satan can’t stop, he will often try to speed up. The timing of God is everything!”

Right from the off there has been the temptation to tear ahead at 1000 miles an hour; time and again God has slowed it down, closed doors, made me wait. The best example of this is my employment. Back in 2012, the trustees agreed that to take the organisation forward, I needed to be working for the Princess Project full time- we needed someone to be accountable, overseeing the day to day running of the organisation, managing the volunteer teams, as well as thinking about the strategic development of the charity. They agreed a salary based on comparable positions. The only thing was…. we didn’t have the money! We applied for various grants and were unsuccessful.

Then I realised that there was another factor in play. My husband needed to be 100% on board with the idea of me jettisoning a well-paid, professional role for a temporary contract with a small organisation with nowhere near enough regular income- and at that time, he wasn’t. I don’t blame him at all for that- a lot of people still think I’ve taken leave of my senses! He is hard-wired to be our provider, he is the one who always deals with our family finances, he is the sensible one who is always having to rein me in and keep my feet on the ground (we make a great team!) And the idea of leaving that stability behind was stressing him out quite a lot. I was in a bit of a quandary as I really felt like this was what God wanted me to do- but at the same time, I knew with absolute certainty that he would not want me to do anything that would cause conflict or difficulty in our marriage.

Praying with a friend, she told me she’d had an image of me swinging tarzan stylee through the jungle (apologies for that mental image)- and that I had to let go of one vine before grabbing the next. It felt like God was saying there had to be an element of trust- we couldn’t wait for it all to be in place before stepping out and letting go of our financial security. But she also said that my green light to go would be Graham’s blessing of the decision. Another good friend suggested that, like Gideon (see Judges 6), I lay down a fleece and asked for a sign. I asked God that when the time was right, Graham would be OK with it- not superficially OK to make me feel better, but really OK.

And God honoured that.

I kept quiet, didn’t go on about it (quite a feat- I’m a very good nagger!) and one day Graham came back from work and said “Well, if you’re serious about stopping at the vets I suppose I’d better do a spreadsheet and see how it’s all going to work!” Once spreadsheets had been mentioned, I knew he was on board. Just as I’d asked, it was my green light to go. In his own, unique, understated way he was giving me his blessing, and trusting God for our future- a real act of faith for him and I was, and continue to be, so very thankful for his support and belief in me, and the vision that I have for the Princess Project. He really is a faithful man of God and it is very much a shared journey that we are on. I was also so thankful to my Daddy God who had given me the clear sign I had prayed for.

We decided that one way or another I wouldn’t go back to work at the vets after a holiday we had planned for April. Since then, so much has happened. When we stepped out in faith not knowing where the money was coming from, suddenly it started coming in earnest. The Princess Project received £3000 in donations in the first 3 months of this year alone. In February the trustees decided that there was enough money to offer me a 6 month contract starting in April (and actually we now have nearly enough for another 6 months after that!) I start my paid role at the Princess Project on the 27^th April, and can’t wait to take things to the next level. I am also so excited at the prospect of bring able to work around my munchkins, not work at weekends, pick them up from school, look after them when they are sick. They, as well as Graham, have enthusiastically embraced the Princess Project, telling people about it, holding ‘tombolas’ at home to raise a few pennies, coming to events with me. It is very much a family enterprise, and if through this whole process they learn that nothing is impossible with God, to pursue their dreams wholeheartedly, and that some things are more important than money, I will be a very happy mummy.

I don’t know what the future holds- I am very excited about it though! Since I have handed in my notice at the vets, things have rather exploded at the Princess Project, with referrals for the Mum2Mum befriending service coming out of our ears, two Parentalk courses planned, and a new arrangement in place whereby we provide all the new mums accessing the Meadow Children’s Centre with a Princess gift basket. We have two more funding applications in the pipeline. One thing I know- God is graciously only revealing a small part of his plan at a time. If you had told me 5 years ago where I would be today I would simply not have believed it (and quite possibly run screaming for the hills).

I am forever grateful for the reminder that God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called. We don’t need to be super talented, or super spiritual, or extraordinary in any way. We just need to listen, trust and obey, and then God can use us in ways that surpass our wildest dreams.

Collecting at our local Sainsbury’s (we’re their charity of the year) with my big munchkin and our good friend and Princess Project volunteer Anne this Mother’s Day

Speaking at the Princess Project Butterfly Ball, October 2014

Princess Project The Journey

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Sacrifice: A Dirty Word?

by Emma Tanner

What does the word ‘sacrifice’ mean to you? One of the Oxford dictionary definitions is ‘an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.’ I think that the concept of sacrifice is one that we struggle with in our contemporary culture- seen as outdated, irrelevant, negative. We want to have and do it all. We don’t want to give up anything, let alone something we (or society as a whole) view as valuable. But the Bible says it is a fundamental part of Christian living, and so maybe we need to think again.

This year I have started using the Bible in One Year (BiOY) app, a great free resource that takes you through the whole Bible in a year (obviously!), and using that have been reading through Matthew’s gospel. Jesus’ teachings on how to live in community with God and with each other were counter-cultural then, and are definitely counter-cultural now. I think that sometimes, the temptation can be to view our faith as an ‘extra’ on top of the life we are already living; something that adds value to it, completes it. But that is not what Jesus taught. He is looking for total commitment that invades every moment of our waking lives- every decision, at home, or work, or school; every relationship; everything we say and do. Unless we are prepared to live all out for Jesus, we will not be able to step into all the amazing plans he has for our lives- the unique work that each of us were put on this earth to do. In the words of Jesus:

If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.

Matthew 10:38-39, The Message

There will inevitably be a cost involved to living this way. Something has to give. Some things will have to be surrendered, given up. If we are walking in step with Jesus, life can never be the same as it was before. Sometimes we think it’s enough to sacrifice things that we were never very attached to, anyway. But according to the definition above, true sacrifice is giving up something we value. Maybe that’s popularity- being prepared to identify ourselves as followers of Jesus even when it’s not going to make us any friends. It may be financial security- listening to God’s voice and following his call even if that takes us away from a 9 to 5 job with a pension and job stability. Perhaps it’s career progression- turning down a promotion if we know it’ll mean we’ll be having to spend so much time at the office that there will be no time left for anything or anyone else. Maybe it’s how we spend our time, or our money- giving God the first-fruits, the very best, not just what’s left over once we’ve done everything else we want to do. The hardest thing to surrender is our sovereignty over our own lives- acknowledging that God is in control; that he knows better than we do what’s best for us.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33, NLT

Or, as The Message puts it:

Steep your life in God-reality, God- initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

We mustn’t just dwell on the first part of the definition, but read to the end of the sentence and remember that anything we may give up is for the sake of something of even greater value. Not only can we be freed to live the lives we were made to live here on earth, but we have a promise of eternity in heaven from a God who always keeps his promises. Following Jesus is always costly. But it is so, so worth it.

If you have questions about Christianity, why not try Alpha? There’s a course starting at Christ Church, Park Wood, Maidstone on January 28th in the evening.